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A blonde Essex girl was driving down the motorway when her mobile rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her: "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl. "There's fu*king hundreds of them!!"
Two cannibals eating lunch when one say's i hate my mother in law.The other replies well just eat your rice then.
Hadn't one of them just dumped his girlfriend?
Hope he washed his hands before starting on his mother in L, then.
Two cannibals eating a clown.
One says, Does this taste funny to you?
Q. What does an Essex girl use for protection during sex???
A. A bus stop!!! :D
Q. What did Gorbachev & Essex girls have in common?
A. Both got f****d by six men when they went on holiday.
Q. What's the difference between Gorbachev & Essex girls then?
A. Gorbachev could name the six men
Q: What do you say to an Essex girl that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What's the first thing an Essex girl does in the morning?
A1: Introduces herself.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How does an Essex girl like her eggs in the morning?
Q: What's the first thing an Essex girl does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: How do Essex girls turn the light on after sex ?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: Why do Essex girls like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: Why do Essex girls drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
Q: What is the worst thing about sex with an Essex girl?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: What do Essex girls say after sex?
A1: Thanks boys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you all play for the same team?
Q: What important question does an Essex girl ask her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: Why do Essex girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do Essex girls have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
Q: How do you tell when an Essex girl reaches orgasm ????
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
A8: She drops her chips
Q: What does an Essex girl say when you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What's the difference between the Blackpool tower and an Essex girl?
A: Not everybody's been up the Blackpool tower.
Q: How many Essex girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Bacardi, and one to yell, "Daaady!"
Q: What's an Essex girl's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Eee-bee-zah!"
Q: What does a peroxide Essex girl and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
Q: What does a dumb Essex girl say when she gives birth?
A: Duh, are you sure it's mine?
Q: What did the Essex girl say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: What do you call 10 Essex girls standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 Essex girls in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb Essex girl, and a smart
Essex girl are walking down the street when they spot a 10 pound note. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb Essex girl! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart Essex girl.
Q: Why did the Essex girl scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What do you do when an Essex girl throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why do Essex girls take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the Essex girl have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also from Essex!
Q: If an Essex girl and a brick are thrown off a building, which hits the ground first?
A: The brick. The Essex girl has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when an Essex girl gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Whats the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What is the difference between butter and an Essex girl?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the Essex girl in the bowling ball.
Q: What do a bowling ball and an Essex girl have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What is the difference between a smart Essex girl and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
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