Wiz's jokes

[FrankS]

Poo old Keith got a slagging for telling pish jokes. Well IMHO, Spcey and Martin are 2 sad bastards who have found an old Bob Monkhouse joke book and are displaying the contents here.

Come back Wiz, all is forgiven! :lol: :lol:

Cheers

Frank
:p

[spicey bannana]

Bob Monkhouse Indeed......here'e another one


The Cuckoo Clock


The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

[martinvfr]

Easy Frank. Her's one for ya then

Jock gets sent to court. Prosecutor is reading out the charge.
My Lud, Jock here has been perpitrating one of the worst kinds of sick crimes to animals, namley interfering in a sexual way with cats.
Case dismissed said the beak.
But I have not even started to teel you about the heinous things he has been doing.
Don't care, case dismissed said the beak again.
The prosecutor approached the bench, and asked if the judge could give him one reason why Jock should not be prosecuted under the law.
Well, said the beak, I have never known a scot to put anything in a kitty before.