View Full Version : A Sense of Balance......
Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
After much searching, Gabriel the Archangel found God resting on the seventh day. Gabriel enquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed deeply in apparent satisfaction and pointed downwards through the clouds....."Look Gabriel... See what I've made!"
A puzzled Gabriel asked God, "What is it..?"
"It's a planet", replied God..."and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance."
"Balance..?" enquired Gabriel, becoming increasingly perplexed.
"Balance..." said God and, pointing to different parts of the Earth, continued..."For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there. I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people... Over here" God gestured, "is a place I call America. North America will be rich, powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, friendly and hot. Can you see the balance Gabriel?"
"I can indeed..." said the Archangel, impressed as he was by God's almighty work.
Intrigued, Gabriel looked closer. He pointed to a small country in Northern Europe. "What is that one?" he asked.
"Ahhh......" said God with an obvious gleam in his almighty eyes. "That is Scotland! It is the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful snow capped mountains, untouched rivers, streams and lochs of exquisite, timeless beauty. The people make a drink called Uisge Beatha, or Whisky, which means 'The Water of Life'. They are good looking, intelligent and humorous and are destined to travel the World. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving and will be known throughout the World as warriors, engineers, inventors and pioneers."
Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration at the incomparable work of the Almighty, but, as the implications of such greatness dawned upon him, he enquired, "But you said that there would be BALANCE....?"
God turned and smiled the wry smile of a satisfied Deity. "Wait until you see the bastards I'm putting next to them...!!!"
Now if that doesn't stir up the shit, nothing will! :LOl
I'm reminded of a Far Side cartoon where God is creating the Earth in his kitchen and is sprinkling North America with people from a jar marked "Jerks".
Whoah.....! Not so fast Si... You're pre-empting the next bit. You know...the part where God goes on to say that one of the most unpleasant traits of "those bastards next to Scotland" is the way that they have no qualms whatsoever about attacking the less fortunate, in order to get the heat off themselves. ;) ;) ;)
Or how "those bastards" continually throw wonga over hadrians wall at a Scottish parliament (the very idea!). :evil: ;)
(stir, stir, stir, stir)
But don't forget that the Scots all came from Ireland originally.
Both wrong I'm afraid gents.
Although the central government grant (calculated by the Barnet Formula) may seem (in real terms) to be disproporionately high, the fact that the revenue genarated from the North Sea (oil and gas for those not in the know) certainly goes some way to addressing the imbalance. Coupled with the fact that per head of population, this sceptred (sceptic) isle is defended in greater numbers by the Scots than other national groupings, we are due an extra bung. This probably explains why the "British" army manages to win the odd scrape or two - we can fight! Add into the equation that our inventions (TV, telphone, bulbs, combustion engines, tarmacadam) have probably generated untold wealth in this country. That is without mentioning the vast empires built by the Tobacco Lords (based in Glasgow when the weed first came over) did, by the economic multiplier effect make this country great(?) in the heady days of it's empire. Our education system is also hailed as a shining example to the rest of the world (which explains why we are cleverer than our Southern cousins - even our esteemed webmaster boasts Scottish blood).
Secondly, genetically speaking, you may find that the Vikings have quite an input into our makeup, not just the Irish.
Whilst speaking of genetics, it would appear to be the case that the only true English bloodlines are prevalent in Wales and Cornwall (where the true English escaped to during times of invasion - shitebags).
This may explain why the English are referred to as a bastard race - this is not, in fact, meant as an insult, merely an observation of your mixed origin and bloodlines.
(who's parents are both Irish :LOL :LOL)
<img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/ohwell.gif ALT=":\">
Yeah but much more importantly, our football league is better than yours
( I can't keep this up much longer... I'm from just outside of Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, about a stones throw away from little-tartan-gonk land. I'm bound to be descended from some Laird :rollin: )
I seem to recall:
Celtic V Fulham - Home Win
Celtic V Sunderland - Home Win
Manchester United V Celtic - Away Win
all since July! :lol:
I was at all 3, and Celtic were, on each occasion, the better team. Not bad from a team from the weaker league. :cool:
I'm also quite sure that Henrik (Golden Boot) Larrson will (although he plays in a weaker league) will score mor goals than:
in the World Cup.
I say thank-you chaps most humbly for all you've done for us. But, and I have to ask the question; who's been screwed?
Brave, inventive etc. but who got the prize?
And what have the romans ever done for us........
Eh - the Romans never got this far North. Surely your not referring to England as the prize?
mw - straight roads, viaducts, aquaducts, Russell Crowe.......
PS I was going to say baths, but you lot don't use them! :lol: :evil:
Anyway, Henrik Larsson is playing all his games against Jock McDougal, Farhquar Campbell and Finlay Tartan-Skirt or other equally forgettable scottish football players..
( I'll give you Kenny Dalgliesh(sp), and Garry McAlistair)
I may have a tad of Scottish blood but I'll have you know I am most definitely ENGLISH and as patriotic about it as you Scots are about that dark rain soaked corner of our island we allow you to live in. I was educated in a fine English school, which incidentally still provides more scholars to both Oxford and Cambridge Universities than any other school in the British Isles, including all bloody Scottish ones.
The only thing that I do find particularly admirable about the Jocks (and the French for that matter) is their patriotism, which too many English people seem to have abandoned.
(serious bit over)
I maintain that we should have bred you all out long ago. Lord knows I always try to do my bit whenever Iím up there. :lol:
We'll see in the summer! :lol:
This is getting good.... :evil:
You aren't seriously talking about the world cup...
I believe you chaps didn't quite make the grade this time. :p
God went on to tell Gabriel, that in contrast with the modest and self-effacing Scots, the English would be cursed to suffer from the most Hellish dose of folie de grandeur. Indeed, it would be so bad as to become endemic in their social systems, sporting activities and their educational establishments. This, God added, would ultimately result in a totally psychotic, self reinforcing, delusional belief system. He noted, however that there was a functional component to this. It meant that the bastards would, at least, choose to continue to live and maintain the sense of balance that was so vital. God indicated that otherwise, if they had to come to terms with the true nature of their condition, they would throw themselves, lemming like, into La Manche and there would then be no balancing counterpoint to the goodness and glory of the Scots. ;)
MW - Yes one and the same!
Like the Spanish, Sven's boys always flatter to decieve (eg Greece and the European Championships) and if it hadn't been for one-man-band Beckham, the Germans would be there instead of you. At least we're shite and we know we are! :lol:
As a point of interest, it wouldn't bother me if the English won the world cup, as long as the English Press and the EBC (English Braodcasting Corporation) were shut down afterwards for about 25 years! :lol: Somehow, I do not see either scenario being remotely feasible.
Keith - the Vikings and the and the Romans failed to defeat us. No matter how proud you are of it, I think it's still too big a task for your willie! :lol: :evil: :cool:
I'm looking forward to passing my DAS and getting together to discuss this over a few beers at one of the meets.. :)
( Is this why it's called AGRO :D )
I'm with Wiz on this one guys. Even with a surname like O'Shea (Dad born and bread in Tipperary, my late Uncle was Lord Mayor - another story) I am 100% English and VERY PROUD OF IT!
I also agree that Scottish - like the Irish and the Welsh - show their patriocity really well. Went to the Millennium Stadium last year to watch the Stereophonics (best band in Britain at the moment) and all the Taffs had Wales shirts on or Dragon flags or welsh symbols painted on their faces. Unfortuantly if we go around wearing Union Jacks or Cross's of St george we get accused of being racist. What crap - my three prize possessions of clothing (in order) 1) Port Vale shirt (thre is only one religion!) 2) My beautiful lilly white England Rugby shirt (plain white - simple Red Rose and just the word ENGLAND) and 3) My Red England (A) football shirt.
Wear them all with pride.
By the way Frank, if you want to come down to Worcester and watch England in the World Cup you are more than welcome. You might find it interesting instead of watching te third-world football you are used to up there.
There's another post which explains why the English don't have exclusivity for the Union Flag - I'll ressurect that one! :lol:
Schtum - ain't the English Baiting going well! :evil: :lol:
It's true that we English have, throughout history, been astounded by the bravery and valour of the armies of Scotland. We recognise that even the mighty Romans suffered disproportionately heavy losses at the hands of the seeming fearless Scots. But we no longer fear the wrath of the tartan army. For it was only within this last century that we finally discovered their weakness. Something that makes even the largest, most fierce hosts of Scotland, run whimpering for their lives...........
........ the rattle of a charity collection box.
Ah Wiz - the old ones are the best.
Now proportionately speaking, for Children in Need ........... :lol:
see the section on the Union Flag on page two of the VFR Logo thread - General Spouting.
One other thing, Frank, why are so many of your brothers, erm, well - GINGER!
It seems to be a national trait.
That'll be the Paddy genes methinks! :lol:
Top thread. Keep it coming. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
MV...you're forgetting about BALANCE again, aren't you... The reason that so many of us are RED (get it right...it's RED, right..!?!?) is to balance the fact that so many of the English are Green about.....well, everything.....really!!! BTW.....biologically speaking, it's because our pigmentation is based on IRON, rather than the tannin which is responsible for the colouring of other less attractive colour schemes. Y'know tannin....that's the stuff in tea... ;) (Oh...Ok, red wine as well.....)
you been tannin something tonight?
It's 3:35 and I'm just back - pished but what the feck!!
Bring on the .................................... feck it I couldn't spell balance!:cool:
Now I understand why / how the 'ginger' joke was removed.
Sense of balance?
Sense of humour failure balanced by a nation able to laugh at anyone.
And Lo, said God....."This delusional belief system shall assume its most extreme and paranoid form within the forces of law and order for whom everything will be black and white. They will come to believe that there is a great conspiracy against them. They will believe that they are carrying out righteous works, when in fact they will be in league with the Antichrist, Lizard tongued Blair."
OK, OK Wiz...... <Rant> I dunno, there's always one who can deflate the whole thing with just a couple of words, isn't there?
So it wasn't really God....just, "Who is like unto God". Happy now...? </Rant> ;) ;) ;)
Oh I see, you mean the missus...
No, actually.... I seem to have become a bit contaminated with the over the border folie de grandeur. Must be from hanging around in here too much. I meant, me, myself, I. It's what Michael means, you know.... "Who is like unto God"
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